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And in case anyone would like to ask me if I'm happier submitting to the religious and moral beliefs of others or if I'm happier forging my own path, well, maybe I've had more deathly depressive thoughts with the former, but with the latter the fear of hell can be stronger, and that can be pretty depressing too.
your posts bring back alot of thoughts. I come from a huge Catholic family, I followed the rules like you, I knew my siblings gave in to urges, guess who had to overcome sexual hangups. Just a thought, when the “rules” were made people your age were engaging in sexual activity because they married much earlier. You aren't going to hell for giving into an urge that is natural, the person that put that into your head ought to. You don't need to change your faith, maybe change your clergy.