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And in case anyone would like to ask me if I'm happier submitting to the religious and moral beliefs of others or if I'm happier forging my own path, well, maybe I've had more deathly depressive thoughts with the former, but with the latter the fear of hell can be stronger, and that can be pretty depressing too.
your posts bring back alot of thoughts. I come from a huge Catholic family, I followed the rules like you, I knew my siblings gave in to urges, guess who had to overcome sexual hangups. Just a thought, when the “rules” were made people your age were engaging in sexual activity because they married much earlier. You aren't going to hell for giving into an urge that is natural, the person that put that into your head ought to. You don't need to change your faith, maybe change your clergy.
Well, even if I decided to “forget the Church,” there are things I have done and/or want to do that go against the teaching of the Bible, which for me is a very harsh book. Being a Christian is harsh for me. (And other religions can seem harsh to me also.) But, sometimes I can feel that I'm required to be one or else I can burn in hell. 🙁 I don't know that I can say that I ever “loved” being Catholic or Christian, but maybe when I was a very young child it wasn't all so crushing and negative for me. If I ever come back fully, I would so much like that it could be positive and that its rules wouldn't cause me to feel burdened in spirit. If anyone is going to tell me that it's my fault that I feel burdened and that I have to learn to accept and abide by these rules cheerfully and without sorrow, please don't tell me that. It just might add more pain. Thank you.