Irish Declares War on the French

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  • #2142

    Jacques Chirac, the French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office

    wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United

    Stateswhen his telephone rang. “Hallo, Mr. Chirac!”, a heavily

    accented voice said. “This is Paddy O’Kirby down at the Harp Pub in

    County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are

    officially declaring war on you!”

    “Well, Paddy O’Kirby,” Chirac replied, “This is indeed important

    news! How big is your army?”

    “Right now,” said Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is

    myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the

    entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”

    Chirac paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred

    thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

    “Begorra!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back!”

    Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. “Mr. Chirac, the war

    is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”

    “And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Chirac asked.

    “Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm


    Chirac sighed, amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000

    tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased

    my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke.”

    “Saints preserve us!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

    Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. “Mr. Chirac, the war is

    still on!” We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve

    modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in

    the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as


    Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must

    tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.

    My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air

    missile sites. Since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to two hundred


    “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!”, said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back.”

    Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’,

    Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the


    “I’m sorry to hear that,” said Chirac. “Why the sudden change of


    “Well,” said Paddy, “we’ve all had a long chat over a bunch of

    pints, and decided there’s no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred

    thousand prisoners.”

  • #17297

    Ed 1

    Thanks for the laugh.

  • #17298

    Glad to hear you liked it.

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